Joy of reading

The more I read
the more I know,
and the more I know
the more I know
I don’t know very much.

And so I’ll read another tome
(something erudite)
something to protect me
from the horrors of the night.

Mad as a twemlow

Five and twenty twemlows
lined up along the shelves,
beckoning the ludic
to ‘Come and help yourselves!’.

And so the funny-minded come
and take a twemlow each.
“Oh, do I dare to open it?’
(like Prufrock with the peach).

‘I’ll show you mine
if you show me yours!’
— ‘Oh no, you playful catfish!
Let’s not behave like boors!’

‘Although we hold the key to life,
we must keep standards up!
Cos if they drop then we must stop
imbibing from the cup

that fills our souls with laughter
and makes the world a game.
Let’s not forget that madness
is the twemlow’s other name.

For H.

Would it kill you to be kind?
Would you drop dead if you helped someone?
Would death ensue inexorably if you gave some cash to the needy?
Would you contract a terminal illness if you did something for someone for nothing?
Would time and space collapse if your tongue could fashion one kind word for a fellow traveller?

I could go on, but life is short.


Soul wish

Oh Lord, deliver me from priests.
That’s all I ask of you in this life.
In the next life, of course, I’ll have
a much more extensive list of demands,
but for now, just deal with the
terminal banality of priests.

Thanks in advance.

Be aware

Let’s see if Leonora
has the gall to call again
after spending all the petty cash
on beer and burly men.

Be aware that Leonora
is as flighty as they come:
not for her the measured step
of dainty beldamdom.

Leonora is to dainty
as a bulldog is to sweet:
don’t trust her with your money
or you’ll end up on the street.


The Twemlow cycle

Twemlow’s laser bicycle
has been an online hit;
you can buy it pre-assembled
or build it from a kit.

Not for Twemlow clanking gears
or pedals that rotate;
not for him the oily chain
that tends to irritate.

Twemlow’s novel concept
of velocipedal motion
involves the use of lasers
and a red-hot fiery lotion.

Just apply the lotion
to your nether parts each day,
then let the laser action
whisk you briskly on your way.

No need for frame or saddle,
cos you won’t have time to sit:
you’ll be at your destination
before you’ve thought of it.


Eastern wisdom

Let’s see if Captain Tandy
has anything to add
to the testimony given
by the Prince of Ishfahad:

Did you see a camel
steaming through the souk,
like ‘a bolt of lightning’
or, as some say, ‘a truck’?

— There are no words that can describe
the mysteries of the East:
a camel steaming through a souk
must rank among the least.

I can’t deny I saw it,
though I’m not sure that I did.
Some things out East are quite opaque
while others are quite hid.

— But come now, Captain Tandy,
you must help the court decide:
‘truck ‘or ‘bolt of lightning’
— which simile applies?

I have no truck with similes,
and lightning’s just as bad,
but a wise man doesn’t contradict
the Prince of Ishfahad.