The interview

Harold Goodneighbor has applied to Captain Tandy for the post of Chief Purser aboard HMS Mayfly. Will his suit be successful? We can listen in now, thanks to modern shipboard technology:

HG: …all around the Andaman Sea, and stark naked half the time.

CT:  What’s your personal take on the ship’s biscuit?

HG: No more than a sop to swab a camel, if you ask me. Dry as a nun’s fubsy.

CT: Are you a lemon man, or a lime man?

HG: Lime, every time. We plumped for lemons aboard the Spittoon, out of Liverpool, but I said it was a mistake at the time and I still do to this very day. At least you know where you are with the lime.

CT: What about teacakes, or a nice Victoria sponge?

HG: I wallow in teacakes, but I’d keep the sponge at arm’s length. No good can come of it.

CT: Briefs or boxers?

Well, it seems to be going quite smoothly. Harold answers confidently, and presents a very professional bearing.

But let’s draw a veil at this point over what is, after all, a confidential exchange.

All that remains is to extend to Harold, and to Captain Tandy, our very best wishes for the future.



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