There are many reasons why horses don’t ride bicycles, but chief among them must be fear of public ridicule. But why should a cycling horse be subjected to ridicule? Is there something inherently comic in such a sight? Is it more or less ridiculous than the sight of you (distinguished voters) running in the Grand National at Aintree? Why should horses be deprived of the pleasures of cycling, based simply on some ill-founded theory of humour? It just doesn’t stand up to scrutiny in the twenty-first century. We should be breaking down barriers, not building them, and working towards social inclusion, not exclusion.

So I hereby promise that if elected, I will introduce a generous subsidy for the purchase of bicycles for horses. It would go a long way toward righting a cruel injustice. (Pause for applause)

By the same token, if you want to run in the Grand National, what’s to stop you? Go for it, and best of luck.



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