It’s very rude, to say the least,
to slit your sweetheart’s throat.
Use it only as a last resort,
if she wants a new fur coat.
Or if she nags you all day long,
or if she tells you that you’re wrong
about a football game.
Or if she ever tells you
that her ex was ‘so kind-hearted’,
or if she says ‘You’ve had enough’
when you’re only getting started.
Now I come to think of it,
who needs a goddam wife?
Ignore my caveat above
and get yourself a knife.