I try to do the right thing
if the right thing can be done,
but knowing what the right thing is
For instance, when my beldam slips
and falls in snowy weather,
should I laugh my ass off,
or run out to try and help her?
Cos if I run I might slip too,
— aye, there’s the rub! —
No, it’s best to laugh my ass off
from my seat inside the pub.