Professor Delmar Delagrange did something really very strange
last time he snuck in here for cakes and ale.
He said ’Now that spring is coming and the hedgerows all are humming,
why don’t we stop pretending that we’re sane?’
‘Why don’t we just come out and say that we’re as mad as Hogmanay,
or (better still) those scholars from Louvain?’
Then Delmar rose to his full height, and bidding Biddy bring a light,
he strode up to the bar and grabbed the rail.
With one prodigious leap — like a dolphin from the deep —
he stood up on the bar and wagged his tail.
‘I’m as mad as any zany from the land of Cockamamie,
and now that spring is sprung I’m off the scale.’
Then Delmar did a drunken dance, dropped his drab scholastic pants,
and cartwheeled off the bar — to no avail.
The floor rose up to meet him (as if it were to greet him),
and he cracked his skull against a metal pail.
Then Delmar, overwrought, crept like an afterthought,
across the floor and out, like a snail.