Out to tea

‘Goodbye, cruel world!’,
said Twemlow, overwrought.’
‘It’s just my private cup of tea
— never thought that I’d get caught!’

Twemlow stood upon the bridge
and bared his manly chest,
then plunged his dagger in the cop
who tried to make arrest.

Twemlow leaped into the foam
— the sea was wild and swollen!
But all the while he tightly held
the panties he had stolen.

He crossed the sea with his cup of tea,
to the Land of Reconcillo,
where none would ever ridicule
his little peccadillo.


Afternoon a-swoon


Let’s see if Captain Manson
has the sense to keep his pants on
when the ladies come for tea and macaroons:

Oh there he goes again!
Captain Manson! when oh when
will you learn to stir the teapot with a spoon?

— It’s how we did it in the war,
no fancy silverware,
and it helped to galvanize the whole platoon.

The ladies aren’t impressed
by your military prowess,
now please reinstate your khaki pantaloons.

— O very well, Mein Führer,
I bow to your command
— but you didn’t say that on our honeymoon.