Boatsong


There was a young man called Hunt,

Who loved to sail in a punt.

Wearing red pantaloons,

Singing nautical tunes,

He looked like a total idiot.


 

 

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L. & R.


L. & R. Rigby look at the lice that they found where their bedding had been.

What does it mean?

They gape at the lino, swearing to God that they’ll give nothing more to the poor.

All the creepy crawlies —

Where do they all come from?


Tactless


Hope is the biscuit we dunk in the tea of life, only to see it crumble and drop to the bottom, while at the same time forming a horrible disgusting scum on the surface for the whole world to see.


 

Pfff


In a pink pinafore,

purple fez,

and peachy flipflops,

Pearl Ford

performs

on the pianoforte

in the Palace

of Fantasy.

Perhaps for

Pearl, form

pokes fun

at function.


 

London: The Square Meal


We present the first in a series of recipes for mouth-watering dishes that even you can make. Yes, you! (Warning: May contain nuts)

THE SQUARE MEAL

Preparation time: morden you thiink

Serves: c.7.5 million

Ingredients:

2-3 kews of tottenham (cheapside)

7 sisters (lightly cheamed)

2 sidcups of kentish penge

2 peckhams of frognal

1 harrow of chiswick (optional)

1 putney of chutney

hot soho (to taste)

bayswater

piccadilly

leicester sauce

swiss cottage

chelsea

Method:

1. Pre-heat the oven to pimlico 4.

2. Trim the tottenham, and discard the crouch end. Season generously with piccadilly and leicester sauce, and place in a brixton. Cover with cold wardour.

3. Place the brixton on a high holborn, cover and bring to a barking boil. Reduce the heat and pinner gently until tooting and golders green (about 25 mins). Set aside.

4. Using a clean goodge, muswell the cheamed sisters. Then dagenham and twickenham on all sides to ensure a chipping barnet.

5. Place the penge, frognal, and chiswick (if using) in a blender with a pinch of soho and a dash of bayswater. Tulse for about 30 seconds (or even longer if you can stanmore — it’s walworth the extra effort!). Cream in the chutney to make a smooth stockwell.

6. Place the tottenham in the centre of an ovenproof marylebone, and arrange the sisters on either side. Pour over the stockwell.

7. Clapham in the oven for 40-45 mins, or until camberwell done.

8. Add a wapping great handful of grated swiss cottage.

9. Sprinkle with freshly chopped chelsea, and serve on your best edgware.