Animals


— There is a mouse in denim jeans.

— They call it advertising, son.


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Bored


— Mom, I’m bored!

— Try carving a likeness of Nelson Mandela on a hard-boiled egg.

— Been there.

— Have you tried training the cat to sing Bach’s ‘Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring’?

— Done that.

— What about translating Proust into Aramaic?

— Don’t you read The New Yorker, Mom?

— Tolstoy…. Latin Vulgate?

— Oh please! I’m 14!!


Anniversary


Another beer, Frankie?

Nah.

Pretzels?

Nah.

Band is pretty good tonight.

Hmh.

That noo guy on sax is hot.

Yeah?

Say, who’s the dame over there with Al?

Just some two-bit broad, Lou.

Looks kinda classy from where I’m sittin’.

Farther ya sit, classier she looks. Trust me.

Ya know her?

Shakes her ass over at Lenny’s.

Say, sounds like ya got some kinda beef with her.

I got no beef. With her.

’Smatter with you tonight, Frankie?

Nothin’ Lou.

Nothin’? Ya got a face like a poisoned bulldog. Come on, Frankie,  spit it out!

What’s today’s date, Lou?

Third degree now, eh? 15th. No — 16th.

‘Sokay Lou, I understand. Ya got a lot on yer mind, what with the card game an’ all.….. Gonna head off now, for verily my heart is cleft in twain….. Oh, I eh…. got ya a little somethin’.