Family ties (2)

Uncle Delmar shakes his fist
at rascals Ralph and Brad.
He knows that in a few short years
they won’t be playful lads.

They’ll grow up mean and surly,
in a world that treats them bad.
They’ll both end up in prison,
just like Delmar and their Dad.

At the stump

Ariosto Milner will be here at six o’clock:
I must check my stores of nerve gas
and my anti-aircraft stock.

Regular as clockwork,
Milner comes round every year,
puffing like a steam train,
and beaming ear to ear.

‘Vote for me,’ says Milner,
‘pledge me your support!
For Mayor of Delmar County
I’m the perfect sort.’

‘The folks of Delmar County
will live la vie en rose
and there’ll be no more taxes
cos I’ll tweak the Senate’s nose.’

‘And then I’ll build a great big wall,
of steel (or maybe glass),
to keep the folk of Delmar safe
from what might come to pass.’

‘There’ll be candy for the kiddies
and beer for burly chaps,
and all the pretty beldams
can twang my nether flaps. ‘

I’ve heard it all before, you see,
Milner at the stump.
Sometimes he reminds me
of tremendous Donny Trump.


Family ties

Riding back from Laramie
a thought besmote my head:
what if Grandpa Delmar
should be lying somewhere — dead!

Frantic now with morbid thoughts,
I bade my horse to speed,
I raced all through the ink-black night
upon the family steed.

Imagine how my heart leaped up
and danced like Fred Astaire,
when I heard Grandpa’s cries for help
— he’d fallen off his chair.

How strange the telepathic ties
that bind up families,
though they only seem to work
on the road from Laramie.



Today, I’ll be spearheading change on a number of fronts:

In the field of socks, I’ll be foregrounding green at the expense of blue,
and in the nutrition stakes, I’ll be campaigning for burritos as a breakfast staple.

From 3pm onwards, I’ll be waving aloft the brightly-coloured flags of hope, rationality, and civility.

So look forward to a busy day ahead, and check on Twitter for regular updates.

Cape of Good Hope

“The Cape gannet, or malagash, is also known as ‘velvet sleeves’.”

Wheeling round the Cape in squadrons,
malagash swoop and dive
and dart at shoals of fodder fish
five hundred feet below,
— slick as velvet —
then launch again,
past anxious mariners
peering into sextants,
calculating the good
and the hope.

Ask Yahoo

Does anyone know how to get rid of a torso?

Specifically a male, aged about 25, toned, muscular, may have been an athlete or body-builder, though I can’t be sure.

Practical solutions only, please. I’ll be happy to post a summary of responses.



The extra mile

“— Fie upon thee, varlet,
in your fustian and comb,
I’ll not disburse a single groat,
till you have hied me home.

A fig for filthy lucre,
the devil’s lubricant!
Avaunt, and stop your hansom
where you see the monument.”

Mind you, I still had to pay the extra fare,
but it made me feel better at the time.